30. August 2008 by Frank.

Thou shalt not have any fun whatsoever.

It leads to impure thoughts, evil desires, corrupt thinking, wanton abandon, a lifetime of sin, the neglect of god, and essentially more sin than Jesus can possibly forgive even if he has eternity.

That’s a lot of sin. SIN I say!

I actually had the joy of reading excerpts from one of Ellen G. White’s books (which one? I’m not sure – the pages were copied without any titles) last night. It was mainly talking about raising children and controlling their behavior by keeping their minds focused on god all the time. While admitting that everyone needs rest and relaxation, the activities involved in that must be godly. None of this playing card games, checkers, chess, dancing, and, god forbid, bowling. And no going to the theatre! I’m sure TV and movies would have been included on the list if such things had been around back then.

Just to be perfectly clear, what I’m saying is reeking with bitter sarcasm.

A couple of weeks ago I offered to take my Seventh Day Adventist friend to see THE DARK KNIGHT even though I knew he’d turn me down (which he did). Well, he decided that he should explain to me why he turned me down. He chose to do that by showing me excerpts from Ellen G. White. It was everything I could do not to laugh my head off. Even when I was totally gungho I wasn’t this far gone.

But I do have to admit that many times I found myself doing things that my leaders said I had to do to be holy. I wasn’t doing them because I believed they were required by god, I was doing them because I was told to. Why in the world someone would obey the rantings of a constipated, old preacher who thought that any form of pleasure was dirty and sinful is beyond me. But I have seen this before. Sumrall once preached against the evils of playing cards. Because some people play cards for money, somehow that evil gets infused in all playing cards, and thusly corrupts anyone who uses them. I often wondered if that was the case how come he didn’t condemn kitchen knives? After all, some people use kitchen knives to kill other people. By his reasoning the evil of that should become part of all kitchen knives and thus anyone who uses a knife will be tempted to kill someone else.

Not to mention the far more obvious point of preaching for money.

I do enjoy discussing religion but I can’t take this anymore. My SDA friend is my best friend but the more I find out about how he wants to live his life, the more alienated I become. I will give him credit in that he admits believing such things is a personal matter and can’t and shouldn’t be forced on anyone else. But the simple fact that he believes this nonsense is staggering to me.

If it feels good, don’t do it.

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21. August 2008 by Frank.

First off, let me apologize for the lack of posts lately. Between vacation, stress at work and home, and correspondence with a preacher who caused me to question myself caused me to get way offtrack with the purpose of this blog.

I’ve made no secret that I intended to become a preacher myself and I was reminded of all of that by corresponding with this fellow. I found those reminders oddly appealing. Mainly because with them I had a purpose.

I also had a purpose when I was a stroke activist. I felt I accomplished something significant when I collected stroke survivor stories and posted them on my previous website. I was trying to help people by providing information that I felt was completely lacking. I couldn’t afford to keep the site online but the stories are still at http://groups.msn.com/smilinstrokesurvivorssociety

in their entirety. I reached a point where I felt I was not making any progress so I stepped away.

But am I now an atheist activist? No, not really. I’m not trying to convert anyone. I’m not terribly political. And I’m not much for causes. I keep my opinions and beliefs to myself at home because I’m tired of my wife calling down the wrath of god on me. I have very few friends and all of them are Christians. The only one I knew who admitted to being atheist was also gay but he moved to Saginaw. Although I’m sure there are others of the atheist persuasion around here, I don’t know where to find them. They don’t advertise.

I mentioned before that the Christian writers accused me of being a phony atheist. There’s no way I could stop believing in their wonderful god so I must just be mad at him because of all the bad things that happened to me. But they failed to understand that I’m not mad at anybody or mad about anything, including the stroke. What I am is baffled that I devoted 20 years of my life to something so devoid of reason as Christianity. What convinced me of that is the bible itself. The stroke shut off my faith, killed my emotions, made me incapable of caring about anything, and destroyed what little health I had left. Studying the bible to find answers to all of that afterwards was what convinced me there was no god.

I started with the assumption that something was wrong with my understanding of god. That somehow what I had been taught and was teaching myself was not the correct interpretation. So I looked for alternatives and found them. None of them were satisfying either. So then I began to consider what non-believers had to say. I particularly began reading deconversion stories. These folks frequently pointed out things in the bible that had led them to conclude it was wrong. In fact, over a period of time, I came to realize that many of these people who had become atheist knew far more about the bible than most people in church. Even though they were atheists, they were still far more educated in biblical history and theology than the average Christian.

If the bible actually is the word of god then there’s something seriously wrong with that dichotomy.

Take this example for instance:

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10 vs 37 (KJV))

and the corresponding verse in Luke:

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14 vs 26 (KJV))

Read the whole chapters to keep it in context (that’s a favorite Christian meme if ever there was one.) Now then, tell me, how many people have you ever actually seen live by this? Especially verse 33, “So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.” Come on. Go in any church of your choosing and find a true believer who actually lives this. I’m sure you’ll find plenty who give lip service to it but find someone that really truly puts Jesus in absolutely first place in his life.

Sure you can probably find someone willing to give up his/her family but try finding someone who will give up all their stuff!

You hear all the time how Jesus/god has to be first in your life. Even at my most gung ho, I’m going to be a preacher stage, I couldn’t honestly claim this was true. I would say it was. I would claim it was. But deep down I knew it wasn’t. My family is first, more important to me than life itself. But the bible gives you a convenient out for this little dilemma, “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” (1 John 4 vs 20 (KJV))

You see the contradiction there? You can’t claim to love god (who’s invisible) if you hate your brother (who isn’t). Unfortunately, you can’t really claim to be a disciple of Jesus unless you hate your family and your own life. But you can’t love Jesus if you hate your brother. So that must not be what he meant and it was written so confusingly to keep Satan from finding out what his plan was. So because none of that makes any sense you’re off the hook.

Seriously. I used to think like this. Not one but several churches I was part of over the years thought like this. Your love for god has to be so strong that your love for your family and your own life seems like hate. Catch the rationalization there? But if you don’t love people you can see, how can you love god? So you have to have it both ways.

This kind of religious “reasoning” goes on all the time because the bible contradicts itself and is full of errors. As long as you believe that it is the inspired word of god and is inerrant and infallible you have to deny any of it contradicts itself. You cannot admit that A and its exact opposite B are not both true if the bible says they are.

So that is my purpose now; to point these things out and comment on them. I’m not out to convert anyone. I’m just trying to get you to think. Well, maybe, I’m trying to annoy you a bit. Maybe I’m just cleaning out my system by writing it all down. Maybe I just want 20 years of my life back.

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6. August 2008 by Frank.

When no one believes what you say you may find yourself in a rather odd situation. Do you get mad and change your presentation? Or do you continue in the same manner? When what little feedback you do get indicates that your message is not being understood does that mean your writing skills aren’t quite what you think they are?

Or does it just mean your audience wears blinders because they don’t understand how you could possibly leave their god and reject their teachings?

I think that’s it when it comes to religious folks. They can’t conceive of deliberately walking away from Christianity so any statement that you have done just that is beyond their comprehension. You’re not really an atheist, you’re just mad at god and disappointed in men.

How can you be mad at someone who doesn’t exist?

No, I’m not mad at god. Disappointed in men is a whole other matter. I’ve been lied to repeatedly by “holy” men of god. I’ve been conned out of my time and money by one preacher after another. I’ve been taught that I have to respect them and obey them. I’ve been prohibited from questioning them. I’ve been told they speak the very words of god.

I’ve also been told that they are just men after all when they fail. Well, it turns out that’s all they ever were. Just men. Ordinary men who like to have some degree of power and control over others.

One of the rather more bizarre christian double standards is the one that says believers are the only Jesus the world can see. This supposedly sets a high standard for believers to achieve. However, if you do look up to a christian leader and he fails, then you are told that you shouldn’t have your eyes on men in the first place, they should be on Jesus. Do I really need to explain the flaw in that logic?

What set me off on this topic was some well intentioned email from a couple of religious guys I communicate with. One flat out declared that I am not an atheist or and agnostic, I’m just mad at god and disappointed in men. I don’t believe his intention was to call me a liar but that was the effect his words had on me. The other managed to put in the implied threat of get right with god, give him the glory, or continue to suffer the consequences. Again, I don’t think he intended to be threatening. But that’s how it came across.

I’ve run into this before. I can’t possibly be serious. I can’t possibly not believe. Therefore I must be lying to myself so if I would just soften my heart and repent, I could go back to the way things were and be useful to god again.

No, I can’t. The stroke changed me. It changed the way I think and feel. It changed the way my mind works on a very fundamental level. It knocked my “faith blinders” off. Before the stroke the Bible was alive and vibrant, a complete inspiration to me all the time. After the stroke, it was dead words on a page written by ignorant, primitive men. It is full of errors and contradictions. When I started realizing that those weren’t just things god hadn’t revealed to me yet, when I admitted the truth to myself, the bible became faith’s worse enemy. I didn’t become an atheist because of emotion. I didn’t walk away on a whim. I took a cold hard look at the foundation and found it full of holes and cracks, some of them quite glaring and obvious.

Just a few examples:

God supports, encourages, and gives instructions on how to own slaves.

God’s punishment for being a victim of rape – the woman must marry her rapist and never divorce him.

Work on the Sabbath, you die.

Dishonor your parents, you die.

Honor your mother and father to have long life (it’s a promise of god)

BUT hate your mother and father if you want to serve Jesus!

Thou shalt not kill (10 commandments)

UNLESS god orders it in which case you have to kill all the men, women, and children (even babies), and all their animals (UNLESS the women are young and are virgins – god says your men can use them).

There’s much, much more. But these are just a few of the things that convinced me there is no god. These are the commands of barbarians, not a loving, holy god.

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