ON PURPOSE

21. August 2008 by Frank.

First off, let me apologize for the lack of posts lately. Between vacation, stress at work and home, and correspondence with a preacher who caused me to question myself caused me to get way offtrack with the purpose of this blog.

I’ve made no secret that I intended to become a preacher myself and I was reminded of all of that by corresponding with this fellow. I found those reminders oddly appealing. Mainly because with them I had a purpose.

I also had a purpose when I was a stroke activist. I felt I accomplished something significant when I collected stroke survivor stories and posted them on my previous website. I was trying to help people by providing information that I felt was completely lacking. I couldn’t afford to keep the site online but the stories are still at http://groups.msn.com/smilinstrokesurvivorssociety

in their entirety. I reached a point where I felt I was not making any progress so I stepped away.

But am I now an atheist activist? No, not really. I’m not trying to convert anyone. I’m not terribly political. And I’m not much for causes. I keep my opinions and beliefs to myself at home because I’m tired of my wife calling down the wrath of god on me. I have very few friends and all of them are Christians. The only one I knew who admitted to being atheist was also gay but he moved to Saginaw. Although I’m sure there are others of the atheist persuasion around here, I don’t know where to find them. They don’t advertise.

I mentioned before that the Christian writers accused me of being a phony atheist. There’s no way I could stop believing in their wonderful god so I must just be mad at him because of all the bad things that happened to me. But they failed to understand that I’m not mad at anybody or mad about anything, including the stroke. What I am is baffled that I devoted 20 years of my life to something so devoid of reason as Christianity. What convinced me of that is the bible itself. The stroke shut off my faith, killed my emotions, made me incapable of caring about anything, and destroyed what little health I had left. Studying the bible to find answers to all of that afterwards was what convinced me there was no god.

I started with the assumption that something was wrong with my understanding of god. That somehow what I had been taught and was teaching myself was not the correct interpretation. So I looked for alternatives and found them. None of them were satisfying either. So then I began to consider what non-believers had to say. I particularly began reading deconversion stories. These folks frequently pointed out things in the bible that had led them to conclude it was wrong. In fact, over a period of time, I came to realize that many of these people who had become atheist knew far more about the bible than most people in church. Even though they were atheists, they were still far more educated in biblical history and theology than the average Christian.

If the bible actually is the word of god then there’s something seriously wrong with that dichotomy.

Take this example for instance:

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10 vs 37 (KJV))

and the corresponding verse in Luke:

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14 vs 26 (KJV))

Read the whole chapters to keep it in context (that’s a favorite Christian meme if ever there was one.) Now then, tell me, how many people have you ever actually seen live by this? Especially verse 33, “So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.” Come on. Go in any church of your choosing and find a true believer who actually lives this. I’m sure you’ll find plenty who give lip service to it but find someone that really truly puts Jesus in absolutely first place in his life.

Sure you can probably find someone willing to give up his/her family but try finding someone who will give up all their stuff!

You hear all the time how Jesus/god has to be first in your life. Even at my most gung ho, I’m going to be a preacher stage, I couldn’t honestly claim this was true. I would say it was. I would claim it was. But deep down I knew it wasn’t. My family is first, more important to me than life itself. But the bible gives you a convenient out for this little dilemma, “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” (1 John 4 vs 20 (KJV))

You see the contradiction there? You can’t claim to love god (who’s invisible) if you hate your brother (who isn’t). Unfortunately, you can’t really claim to be a disciple of Jesus unless you hate your family and your own life. But you can’t love Jesus if you hate your brother. So that must not be what he meant and it was written so confusingly to keep Satan from finding out what his plan was. So because none of that makes any sense you’re off the hook.

Seriously. I used to think like this. Not one but several churches I was part of over the years thought like this. Your love for god has to be so strong that your love for your family and your own life seems like hate. Catch the rationalization there? But if you don’t love people you can see, how can you love god? So you have to have it both ways.

This kind of religious “reasoning” goes on all the time because the bible contradicts itself and is full of errors. As long as you believe that it is the inspired word of god and is inerrant and infallible you have to deny any of it contradicts itself. You cannot admit that A and its exact opposite B are not both true if the bible says they are.

So that is my purpose now; to point these things out and comment on them. I’m not out to convert anyone. I’m just trying to get you to think. Well, maybe, I’m trying to annoy you a bit. Maybe I’m just cleaning out my system by writing it all down. Maybe I just want 20 years of my life back.

Posted in communication, interpretation, wild guesses, emotion, religion | Print | 1 Comment »