IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES

21. May 2009 by Frank.

It was the worst of times.  Classic.  True.

I have the feeling that I am too repetitive at times.  I’m not always aware I’m doing that when I start reminiscing or when I get in a mood.  Some things just stand out stronger than others.

Last week proved to be an excellent vacation.  I read the first part of a book.  I saw STAR TREK twice and ANGELS & DEMONS once (and actually enjoyed it).  I took my wife to an outdoor restaurant next to a marina in Saugatuck for our 28 anniversary which is actually this Saturday.  I went out walking several miles a day for 7 out of the 9 days.  I took over 2000 photos during those walks.  I also set up a dual boot install of Windows 7 on my computer on the rainy days.  I managed to do all that for less than $50 for the whole week.  I have learned to be frugal.  And have a wonderful time in the process.

Of course, things can’t be all good.  My car stopped working to the tune of $385 because the anti-theft system decided 7 years was as long as it could run before shutting down the ignition system.  The next day my daughter lost her job.  Then I got notified that my credit card company had decided to change the due date which completely demolished my budget.  And worst of all, I didn’t see a single church sign worth mocking.

All that walking and picture taking, however, revitalized me.  I’ve been severely burned out with all the medical problems, they quite literally sucked the life out of me.  I was depressed, in need of therapy depressed.  But I wouldn’t have gotten therapy if I told my doctor about it, I would have gotten a prescription for Prozac or something.  I hate that stuff, it makes me want to kill myself.

I find it amazing that chemical imbalances in your brain can make you want to murder yourself.  It’s equally amazing that something as simple as sunshine and fresh air can make you want to live.  Given the choice, I’ll take the latter.  When you start experiencing extremes like this and become aware of what is actually happening the whole concept of having a soul becomes a load of bunk.

You are the result of chemical  and electrical reactions in your brain.

The slightest bit of damage, say a lack of oxygen for a few seconds, can leave you in intense pain and alter your personality severely.  It can make you forget how to talk.  It can make you forget how to walk.  It can make you emotionless.  It can render you incapable of making decisions.  It can paralyze you or make you unable to control your body.

How could that be possible if you were truly a spirit or a soul?  If the real you is some intangible spiritual essence, how is it that simple physical effects can completely alter who you are and what you can do?  I look back on my religious days and I remember people talking about their souls and saving souls but I don’t remember anybody actually being able to explain what they meant by soul.  Or by spirit.

Being born again is common among Christians.  Somehow or other they think that means they get a nice clean shiny new soul free of the corruption of sin but that quickly becomes tarnished by that same sin it just got free of.  I never understood how that works.

I was born again of the stroke.  It erased a large part of my life but not all of it.  Some things haven’t changed, computers and science fiction come immediately to mind.  Others have; god, faith, Jesus.  If I was actually a soul or a spirit, I should still be the man I was before.  I’m not.  Not by a long shot.

I’m just a guy experiencing life one day at a time.  I’m not feeling too philosophical right now.  But I feel refreshed.  The dark, dreary Winter is over.  It’s good to be alive.

It is the best of times.

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