PARALLEL REALITIES

24. October 2009 by Frank.

I went to a wedding last night.  It was at a Lutheran church.  It was very religious.  The booze was flowing, however, at the reception and by the time “I like big butts” was playing, it was obvious Jesus had left the building.

Not that the reception was held at the church.  “God forbid,” as they say.

The cognitive dissonance these bizarre rituals produce is rather astounding.  The couple themselves are not terribly religious but the wedding service was.  Once again it was all about Jesus, you would think it hardly matters if the couple was there or not.  The cleric was in his pajamas, I mean, his long white priestly robe.  Marriage is all about Jesus and his church, Jesus is the only reason we even know what love is, Jesus is the only way the couple can be happy, and the forgiveness of Jesus is the only way they can be successful.  They had to have Jesus because, well, they were both wretched sinners.  As were the rest of us witnesses.

I just love being told I’m a wretched sinner.  It’s so nice to know my wife is also a wretched sinner.  And, if you follow that thinking all the way, your marriage is a sin, too.  Which explains why your children are conceived and born into sin so they can be sinners as well.  Everybody needs Jesus.

I know Jesus was there because there was a little statue of him hanging on a cross on the altar along with a stylized art deco wire frame Jesus head, with halo, overhead.  Otherwise the church was rather unpretentious and actually quite small.  That little statue grabbed all my attention, however.

When I was a christian that particular symbol never really bothered me nor did it attract me enough to brandish it about as some are wont to do.  I’m not big on symbols or the need for them, anyway, so I never gave it much thought.  The only time it thoroughly grabbed my attention and I realized how ugly it actually was, was when I happened to walk past a catholic church downtown.  The door was open so I looked inside.  There was a very graphic Jesus on a cross displayed in there, it was at least 25 feet long, and it protruded out over the congregation.  There was no way you possibly ignore the grotesque thing no matter where you sat.  It was bloody and the character was obviously in great agony. 

I thought the thing was absolutely sickening.

The little crucifix in the church yesterday was only a foot tall and not bloody but it still clearly showed a crucified man with a thorn crown on its head.  Really rather barbaric and primitive, ugly but with the nastiness sort of covered up.  But it wasn’t quite accurate.  The character should be naked, the bible says they took his undergarment.  But you never see that in any of these obnoxious things, we can handle looking at a man being tortured to death but, by god, we don’t want him to have a dick.  Somehow a nonsexual bloodless man being tortured is OK to worship but lets keep the gore and sex out of it so we don’t get offended.

Say what you will about Mel Gibson’s PASSION OF THE CHRIST but at least it made the crucifixion as sickening as it actually was.

As I sat there yesterday I got focused on the wretched thing and all these thoughts went through my head.  The cleric reminded us all that Jesus had indeed died for our sins.  I never understood, even as a christian, why it was necessary to keep beating that into ours heads at every opportunity.  How, exactly, is that something you could possibly forget?  Why the need for constant reminders.  Why the cleaned up imagery?  “I will cling to the old rugged cross,” says the song.  Another refers to standing beneath the cleansing flow (of Jesus’ blood).  Do people not understand the depravity and ugliness of these images?

An HBO miniseries a few years ago called ROME featured a scene in which one of the main characters got naked and entered underneath an altar where her priests slaughtered an animal.  This thing was designed so that all the blood poured down on the chamber below.  The woman had a fantastically beautiful body fully on display but the gallons of blood pouring down on her turned the image quite repulsive.  This may have been a pagan ritual but christianity uses the exact same imagery.

In contrast to all the religious hooey, the reception did not resemble the holy nature of the service.  Aside from the aforementioned booze there was the extremely loud dance music and flashing lights which I would make a joke about being seizure inducing if it weren’t for the fact my wife has epilepsy.  How she can stand those rapid fire flashes amazes me.  But even though she’s a lifelong Baptist and had a broken hip she still wants to dance.  Even the people who didn’t want to drink and dance sat watching other people drink and dance.  I don’t think any of them were real christians.

And that’s what so absolutely strange about these things,

Why do people feel the need to get all solemn and holy for the ceremony only to spend the rest of the day in wild (well maybe not really wild) abandon?  Why all the god talk followed by partying? Seriously, what has being sinners in need of a savior actually got to do with being married?  Why do you need god’s blessing if you’re going to turn right around and ignore him?

Oddly, one of the cleric’s main points was that at the wedding in Cana, the first sensible thing the couple did was invite Jesus to the wedding.  Jesus responded by not only coming but by bringing a present of some really fine wine.  This shows Jesus approved of the marriage but somehow or another he didn’t actually approve of booze.  If you think you can’t actually get buzzed off of fine wine then obviously you never drink wine.  I guess I shouldn’t expect real life to make sense when these stories don’t make sense.

Lately, every time I enter the religious world, I feel more and more alienated.  The very things and rituals I used to love are growing more repugnant to me every day.  I see this stuff without the religious blinders on and it seems truly repulsive.  It seems ignorant and superstitious, the domain of the uneducated.  I see no difference between it and fairly tales.

How did I come so far?

And how can I get others to come with me?

Posted in interpretation, communication, humor, listen, hearing, emotion, education, religion | Print | 1 Comment »